Friday, 26 March 2021

Bride Price – To Pay Or Not To Pay?

Some pay it in hard cash (image courtesy of pexels.com)

Bride price is a common cultural practice amongst many African societies; it is a system that is traditionally used to validate customary marriages in African societies. I am sure the intentions were noble when the ancestors sat down to come up with the terms and conditions for bride price negotiations. But over time and with modernity I personally feel that this is an outdated tradition that has been overtaken by greed and has lost its place in the modern society we find ourselves in. Traditions like many other things are always evolving not static meaning they can be changed to suit evolving times and situations. Imagine forcing a diabetic to drink a cupful of sugar for whatever reason, because it has always been the tradition in your culture, not considering the health risks that come with it? Do you get my point? The same way elders in the past sat down and decided that for a marriage to be valid a woman needed to be “paid for” is the same way elders of today can sit down and decide otherwise.

This post has been at the back of my mind for a long time but was recently triggered by a YouTube video from one of my favourites, click here, who shared a story about the ridiculous amounts her prospective groom is expected to fork out in the name of bride price. I for one have no intention of having any bride price paid for me or my daughters should I have them, my family, relatives and friends who think otherwise will just have to deal with it. After all I am the one who will be getting married if and when I choose to, not them. Some people argue that a man paying bride price is showing appreciation to the bride’s family for having raised her. I didn’t know people had children with the intention of later being appreciated in life for raising them! Is it not parental responsibility to raise one's children? And if that is the case then why isn’t the bride’s family appreciating the groom’s family for raising him too? Or did he fall down from the sky. If that is the argument, then this form of appreciation should go both ways, appreciate both families lets have a bride and groom price.

For me bride price has more negative effects for women than whatever positive effects are perceived by bride price crusaders. Many women stay in abusive marriages in many instances because their families cannot afford to refund the ridiculous bride price they asked for. Oh I bet some of you didn’t know that in the event of a separation/divorce, the bride price or part of it for most African societies is supposed to be refunded. I have only ever heard of one instance in my networks where this was actually done when the couple divorced. It was a whole event both families went back to the village and whatever refund that was to be done was done. Kudos to them! In some African societies a divorced woman cannot have a new suitor pay her bride price before the old one is refunded. In other words, for you to get an exchange at the store the old item has to be returned – do you see how this is demeaning to women? Listen some families in some parts of the African continent even hold on to corpses of dead women until their bride price has been fully paid, if it hadn’t been before. How crazy is that! it get's even crazier in this story click here, a father was asked to refund his dead daughter's bride price in order to be allowed to bury her!

 

Some pay it in the form of livestock converted to cash (image courtesy of pexels.com)

Stories abound of men telling their wives “I paid your bride price, I own you, you must do this and that” basically these men see their wives as commodities that they purchased from the family market and can do with as they wish. There are societies in the African continent where girls as young as 11yrs old from poor families are married off to rich old men in their 60s, so their families can use their bride price as a poverty alleviation scheme. Elders actually haggle during negotiations as to the value of their daughter, the more educated she is the higher the bride price. There are instances in some African communities, where if the girl already has a child (especially if it was with someone else and not the person paying the bride price) then her price goes down because she is “damaged goods”. Such practices equate women to commodities for purchase, you might as well put the bride on the shelf of a supermarket with a tag that says “price subject to negotiations" on her neck. I mean it’s the same concept.

Thankfully there is an emerging trend of more progressive African parents out there who are rejecting the whole bride price concept. I know of a first-hand account where the father insisted that his daughter was not for sale but his kinsmen kept insisting that they have to follow tradition. So the father played along to keep the peace, this is a community where bride price is in the form of livestock usually cows or goats converted to cash (apparently to suit modern times, how ironic). So on the D-day the groom and his people presented the cheque for the agreed cash equivalent to the bride’s father. The bride’s father accepted the cheque thanked his in-laws and then proceeded to hand over the cheque to his daughter and new son in law and told them that was his gift to them to start their new life! Love it absolutely love it! The kinsmen who were awaiting their cut from the bride price were livid! We need more fathers like that.  Hopefully more parents will follow suit and reject this bride price concept all together.

Like I said at the beginning tradition evolves it is not static meaning it changes with time. So how about we embrace a new way of validating customary marriages, how about instead of paying for wives we exchange gifts of equal value between families, how about we exchange gifts from our lands if the grooms people are a rice growing community and the girl’s family from a potato growing community how about each family comes with a sack full of the fruits of their lands; a sack of rice from the grooms side and a sack of potatoes from the girls side and exchange that to cement the marriage traditionally? How about new ways of cementing African traditional marriages that do not demean women, put them at risk for domestic violence because they were “paid for” or risk of child/early marriages because the parents see it as a way out of poverty. How about that?


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Monday, 22 March 2021

Taking Stock Six!

 

I haven’t done one of these in a while so here goes...short one though.

Cooking fried eggs.

Drinking ginger, turmeric water.

Wanting my chocolates to be delivered it’s been a week already!

Wishing for this pandemic to be over.

Enjoying life at the moment.

Waiting to go for an evening walk.

Liking  how fit I am these days, those walks are really working out huh!

Wondering which veggies to have for dinner.

Hoping I can get my chocolates soon. Yes, I know, I love chocolates.

Loving love in all its entirety.

Needing this pandemic to end already.

Smelling the aroma from the freshly baked bread I bought.

Wearing pink shorts and a grey tee.

Knowing that all good things come to those who are patient enough to wait for them.

Thinking about this new productive and fulfilling project I get to work on.

Feeling loved all round.

 

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Sunday, 31 January 2021

Kitchen Korner: Russian Salad!

As a child I lived in a very diverse neighbourhood in an even more diverse city. Thanks to this, I was exposed to a lot of different cultures and foods from a very early age. One of these was what we called Russian Salad which I later came to learn as an adult is also called Olivier Salad. This salad along with most things Russian (tsars, tsarinas, babushka dolls) was introduced to me by our Russian trained medical doctor neighbour, whose two daughters quickly became my childhood best friends when they moved in next door. Naturally we spent a lot of time at each others’ house; our front doors literally faced each other. Anyway back to the salad, one of my earliest childhood memories was of my friends and I helping their mum to make the Russian salad which we absolutely loved! I tried re-creating it from memory with a few extra ingredients that I came across on YouTube. The ingredients that I could remember from my childhood were mayonnaise, boiled eggs, garden peas, cubed carrots and potatoes and corn/sweet corn. I didn’t come across any corn in all the videos I watched while trying to recreate this recipe but like all the YouTubers I watched said, everyone has their own twist to the Russian salad, so maybe corn was my friends mum’s own twist to it. All other ingredients remained constant in all the videos of the Russian ladies I watched preparing this salad, however the one thing they added that I honesty do not recall from my childhood, was some type of sausage or ham and pickled cucumbers.

 

This is my recreation of one of my favourite childhood salads.  I used;

·         One large peeled and boiled potato cubed

·         One large peeled and boiled carrot cubed

·         Half a cup of boiled garden peas (you can use canned if you like)

·         Half a cup of canned sweetcorn (you can use regular corn)

·         One large hardboiled egg cubed

·         Half a cucumber cubed that I pickled overnight for about 16 hours

·         One ready to eat sausage that I browned slightly before dicing

·         A generous helping of mayonnaise.

·         A pinch of salt and paprika for seasoning

 

I boiled the garden peas, egg, potato and carrot, in one pot adding and removing ingredients as needed in order of their boiling time. Once cooled, I mixed everything together then added mayonnaise. It tasted just as I recalled from my childhood with the added tanginess from the pickled cucumber.

Before I added mayonnaise

Final result!


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Friday, 8 January 2021

SHAPE UP!!!

 
 
If you are a curvy or should I say thick girl like me then you probably know the struggles that come with wearing clothes that leave you feeling frumpy and unflattering. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with the outfit or my body shape, I just like clothes to look flattering on me and leave an aesthetically pleasing silhouette no matter the size. That’s why I invest in body shapers that make the clothes look good on me. Whether that means investing in a waist trainer for weight loss which by the way can also be used for working out or for body shaping if one is trying to lose a few inches off the waist area, or any other item that I feel will give me my desired silhouette. 
 
 
 
 
Click here for product link


There is a lot of debate in the fashion world on what is considered plus size, what is plus size in one country may be regular size in another and so on and so forth. This debate is also down to the individuals themselves while a UK size 8 individual may consider a UK size 16 individual as plus size, the UK size 16 individual may be looking at UK size 20 clothing items as plus size. So I guess it’s safe to say that plus size is relative. Well whatever you believe in plus size waist trainers come in extremely handy for individuals who may not necessarily fit into what is considered non plus size. They not only flatter the clothes you wear but also aid in trimming off a few inches if that’s what you are looking for, when worn over a long period of time, properly, safely and using the right size for you.

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If you have been searching for affordable and good quality body shapers look no further, Shapellx.com has an array of body shapers to choose from whether it’s a full body shaper, bodysuits, active wear, firm control compression shapers, they’ve got it all. They offer fast and free delivery for orders over USD80, an easy fit guarantee and amazing discounts on their website. Join the movement today and get your desired shape and silhouette no matter your body shape or size.

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Friday, 25 December 2020

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

 

Image courtesy of Pexels.com

Merry Christmas everyone! Remember Jesus is the reason for the season.

Also remember that;

Mince pies are trash

Brussels sprouts are trashier

Mulled wine is trashiest!

But

Yorkshire puddings are the truth

Christmas pudding is the truthier

Turkey is dry eat chicken instead!

Merry Christmas everyone!!! I love you all!



 

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Saturday, 19 December 2020

CHRISTMAS GIFT IDEAS!

It’s that time of the year again! Here are a few Christmas gift ideas from me to you. Anyone who knows me will tell you that anytime I am asked what I would like, I usually respond in the following ways;


I like to smell good

I like to read

I have a sweet tooth

So the gifter can pick from any of these options or all if they like when choosing what to get me. Going by my response the first type of gift I would suggest is perfume, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like to smell good, myself included. Unless you know the specific scent(s) of the person you are buying a gift for, it would probably be a good idea to get miniature perfume sets or smaller size bottles so that they can have a variety, incase they don’t like a particular scent there will be other scents to try from the gift set. Fun fact I can count on one hand the number of times I have purchased my own perfumes; my perfumes have almost always been gifts or when I worked retail many years ago, I got free from work.


Next gift idea would be a book whether an E-book or physical book, a book is always a good gift idea for voracious readers. People who gift me books usually know me very very well, they know what kind of genres I like, what type of writers/topics that I gravitate towards and they always end up buying me the best books.


Chocolates! You can never go wrong with chocolates or other sweet treats as part of a gift or a gift all on its own!


My childhood Christmases are filled with memories of going carolling in the hospital. We lived in a medical complex the hospital was literally five minutes away. Every Christmas everyone in the neighbourhood who wanted to (we were all families of medical staff of the hospital) joined the nurses and doctors, (well from my memory it was mostly nurses, especially student nurses) in a candlelight carol singing session in the different wards. It was so much fun definitely one of my favourite Christmas memories from my childhood!


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Sunday, 8 November 2020

HAIR UPDATE!

So I relaxed my hair first week of October; I know I know!  This post is about a month plus late in the writing. Life got in the way anyway it’s here now. So I relaxed my hair after just a little over two years since my last touch up! Crazy I know I wasn’t transitioning or anything it just wasn’t a priority, I just chose not to. My hair was pretty much in a protective style 80% of the time, so it was in pretty good shape with minimal breakage. To be honest this touch up felt more like a virgin relaxer because of all the new growth I had going on, some people actually thought I was a natural head when my hair was out. I just felt it was the right time to go back to my texlaxed hair. I used my true and trusted Beautiful Beginnings to self relax and these are the results below;

 

Living alone struggle! No one to take hair photos for me on demand, so this will have to do for now.

I retained quite a bit of length which I was super happy about because this is the longest my hair has been in about maybe 8 or 9 years. I am pretty close to armpit length at the moment. The plan for the near future is to simply take care of my hair as I have always done and just take it one day at a time. If I feel like touching up in three months time, I will if not I won’t, I am keeping it simple there’s so much going on in the world right now that  touch up timelines are the least of my worries. As long as my hair is clean, moisturised and thriving, I am happy.

My Ebook   

 

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