I always have some random thought or two going
through my mind, my closest friends are usually the recipients of these with
3am voice notes hahaha. Anyway thought I could share a bit of what goes through
my mind sometimes on here you know talk to the world and what not.
As an African girl/woman I lean towards
monogamy simply because of the time and environment in which I was born into.
Because had I been born during my grandmothers time I would without a shadow of
a doubt be in a polygamous union, and my mother’s time I would probably be 70% leaning
towards polygamy. For context monogamy for most African societies came with colonialism
and Christianity and hence this thought. Where I am from there is provision for
people who chose to do so, to legally marry under customary law to include polygamous
unions.
I realised that cheating in relationships as a
concept was exposed to me as a late teen/young adult, and as a mostly western
concept because where I am from the older people around me simply said “he has
taken on a new partner/wife or he has multiple women” in fact in my tribe we
have a word for this which translates to “a man of many women”. I never heard
the word he/she is cheating growing up. Even when the statement was made in English
it was “so and so has another partner/partners/multiple partners” never “so and
so is cheating on their partner”. If anything the word I heard thrown around a lot
was the term “womaniser” which as a child I understood to mean a man who likes
many women a little bit too much. I am speaking from my experience as a child
who was eavesdropping consciously and subconsciously on grown folks conversations
way too much.
And before you start yes the women too “took
on a new partner/were women of many men”. There’s an anecdote among my people that newly
married men were traditionally taught to whistle when approaching their
homesteads after a long spell away, so that their wife’s lover would get time
to run away before the man of the home came through!
A lot of the stuff that Africans especially Anglophone
Africans refer to as “morally” right are simply based on Victorian era morality
rules and what not. Again thanks to the missionaries and colonialism.
As concerns polygamy I have seen western
private school/ivy league school educated men with global careers marry multiple
women. All this is to say that sometimes no amount of exposure, modernity or
foreign religious ideologies can trump tradition or culture. The one that really
reinforced this for me was a British private school educated, Swiss finishing
school girl who ended up as someone’s third wife somewhere on the African
continent. So if you are planning to marry someone for whom polygamy is
traditional please find out their views on this beforehand, so you can make an
informed decision if this is something you can tolerate or will be able to accommodate
five, ten years down the line. I say this as someone who comes from a polygamous
family background on both sides and has polygamous relatives in their 30s and
40s today, so no, it is not a preserve of the old nor is it a preserve of the
rich because I have seen both lower income and well to do polygamous unions in
this day and age.
Anyway at the end of the day “do you” if
monogamy is for you that’s amazing, if polygamy is your thing that’s awesome,
if you are team open relationships that’s cool too.
Is it strange that I do not care for proposals,
engagement or wedding rings, a “modern city raised western ideology” exposed
girl like me? My people traditionally did the whole “when can my people come
and see your people” routine to signify an interest in marrying you. My
introduction to proposals was movies, no one around me that I knew growing up
had a proposal I do not remember hearing these conversations, I do not remember
seeing any, I would have known as I hung around my older cousins who got
married a lot growing up. So for me it does not bother me if someone doesn’t
get down on one knee to ask me to marry them. As for rings apart from being a
social construct (there is no legal or religious basis for a ring to validate a
marriage ceremony) and marketing gimmick (Google DeBeers diamond engagement
ring marketing campaign, you are welcome), this is simply because I am not a “ring
girl” I never/hardly wear them as regular jewellery talk less of wedding or engagement
it would be just a waste of money get me engagement earrings or something if
you must. Those I will wear even to bed because that is how much of an earring
girl I am, I absolutely love earrings and bracelets, rings and neckpieces not
so much. I only wear a neckpiece if it completes the outfit because I usually
feel like something is trying to choke me or crawling on my neck with neck
pieces. Again African girl talking here rings are not part of my engagement or wedding
tradition so I am good on that front.
I am also not a flower girlie I mean they are
cute and nice to look at but if you must get me horticulture get me a plant,
you know something along the lines of a cactus or an aloe vera plant you know
something low maintenance because as much as I am a nurturer I am not exactly
green thumbed like that like that😁
Enough randomness for the day hope you all are
doing well.
Link to my E-Book below
As an Amazon Affiliate I may earn a commission from qualifying
purchases.
